Joke for Today

[oliver]

Why men don't write advice columns....
Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour’s daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbour girl is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila

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Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.


I hope this helps!
Walter

[Bawnee]

Begin forwarded message: A group of nursery children were trying very hard to become accustomed to the infants school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk. You need to use 'Big People words,' she was always reminding them. She asked John what he had done over the weekend? 'I went to visit my Nana.' 'No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!' She then asked Michael what he had done 'I had a ride on a choo-choo.' She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words.' She then asked little Alex what he had done? 'I read a book,' he replied. 'That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?' Alex thought really hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said: "Winnie the SHIT"