Joke for Today

[ken79]

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer

and watching the brothel across the street.

They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel,

and one of them said,

"Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth

goin' bad."

Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel,

and the other Irishman said,

"Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews

are falling' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel,

and one of the Irishmen said,

"What a terrible pity...

one of the girls must be quite ill."

[inny1300]

i am still reading the joke's and laughing,regard's to all that send them in,jon

[DerekJ]

[font=Comic Sans MS]Bloke in a mini 850 breaks down on the motorway. He's standing on the hard shoulder, scratching his head, when a big Aston-Martin pulls up and its owner offers to tow him to the next service station. So they tie a towrope to the mini, and off they go.

Five miles down the road, a Mercedes overtakes the Aston, and its driver, striken by road rage, forgets he's towing the Mini and stamps on the accelerator. The Merc and the Aston hare down the motorway, neck and neck, at about 150mph, with the poor terrified mini owner beeping his horn and flashing his lights. They pass a Traffic Policeman, who clocks their speed and radios into his station.

"Sarge, you won't believe this - an Aston and a Merc doing 150 neck and neck with some loony in a mini trying to overtake them both!"[/font]

[inny1300]

Hello DerekJ,i can just picture that one,nice one for the morning read,well funny,regard's jon

[miniman36]

A woman is watching two Irish workmen outside her house, One of them is digging a hole and the other one immediately fills it in. After this happens for six occasions she goes out and asks them what is going on.

One of them replies, "Well we normally work in threes but the fella who plants the trees rang in sick this morning."

[Bawnee]

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course,
the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of
the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done:
glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"


"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband
replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary... ! Actually I want to thank you.

You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a
thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant
three w ishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind,I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

" No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I
can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life! And now you,
young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every
country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always
be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"


"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish,
genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been
with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.


The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're
right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but
what about you, honey?"

You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and
looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you
and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.


"No Kidding," he said. "Thirty-five years old and both of you
still believe in genies?????"

[inny1300]

Nice one Siobhan,jon

[Derfinn]

LOL!
Brilliant Siobhan!

[Bawnee]

Thought it'd bring a smile to a few faces alright!! So many smileys!! Cool!!

[ken79]

One of the best so far!

[miniman36]

A man rang up his council office and asked, "can I have a skip outside my front door?"
The council worker replied, "you can do f**king cartwheels for all I care."

[ken79]



Subject: Gordon died in a fire---

Gordon died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly .

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent
for his two best friends, Lennon and Boruc.

The three me n had always done everything together.

Lennon arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the
sheet, Lennon said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad.

You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Lennon said, 'Nope, ain't Gordon .'

The mortician thought this was rather strange.

So he brought Boruc in to confirm the identity of the body.

Boruc looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up.

Roll him over..'

The mortician rolled him over and Boruc said, 'No, it ain't
Gordon The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Boruc said, 'Well, Gordon had two assholes.'

What? He had two assholes? asked the mortician.

Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

There's Gordon with them two assholes.

[ken79]

Old couple at were at mass.
molly turns to jack and says

"I've just let a long silent fart, what should i do?"

Jack replies "Get a new battery for your hearing aid"!!!

[inny1300]

Nice one miniman36,and well done ken79,jon

[AdyP]

Johnny wanted to get jiggy with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, 'I'll give you a £100 if you let me
screw you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. '

She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for £200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down.'

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.

She responded, 'The b*****d used coins!'


Management lesson:
Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!